Recurring Nightmare
by urzafailure
Summary: My first fic, please r & r! Shinji begins to have a series of dreams that cause him to act rather un-shinji like...Chapter 4is now up! We see the aftermath of Shinji's fight at school, and Asuka and Rei have a bathroom confrontation...
1. Chapter 1

He looked up at the looming beast, the monster's face frozen in place. It had eyes that never blinked and a mouth that didn't open, but that didn't stop it from grinning at Shinji Ikari with a malign intelligence that frightened him.   
  
"I control you," he willed himself to think. "And not the other way around."  
  
The EVA unit continued to stare, to leer at its pilot.   
  
Shinji slammed his fist into the pane of observation glass that separated the two. He knew it was futile though, he would never be able to generate the force needed to shatter it. He wasn't strong enough and would never be that strong.  
  
He hit it again, and again, and again. Soon he realized that his fists were sliding against the window, staining it crimson with his bleeding hands.   
  
"I am your master!" He shouted. "You listen to me! To your pilot! To me!"  
  
Slowly, the robot's mouth fell open, revealing a gaping maw lined with hideous parodies of teeth and a tongue. The teeth were a grotesque yellow and the tongue in contrast was a sharp black.   
  
"Hrrrr…hrrhhhh…hrrhhhhhrh…"  
  
It took Shinji a second to recognize the sound, it was laughter, the EVA was laughing at him.   
  
"Goddamn you!" He continued to pound away at the glass as the gigantic head began to spasm in laughter. "Don't you dare laugh at me! I control you! Me!"  
  
Without warning, the EVA lunged forward, ripping through the meter-thick glass like paper. It tossed Shinji up into the air and caught him, clenching him tight in one massive hand. Shinji redirected his beatings towards this, barely registering the fact that the new whiteness he saw through the splatters of blood was bone, and not the paleness of his flesh. EVA-01 continued its macabre laugh as it leveled Shinji to its eye level. Now the eyes seemed to pulse with emotion, reflecting Shinji's waves of anger, of hopelessness, and of frustration.   
  
It laughed and Shinji screamed out in equal amounts of pain and rage. He couldn't run away, even if he wanted to. But this was different, this was a confrontation he would not back away from. This was…  
  
Then he realized that the flesh around his fists had been stripped bare. He was looking at pure bone, pallid strips of skin and muscle hanging loosely at ragged edges.   
  
"Hrrrhrrhh…hrrrhhhrrrhh!"  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Shinji woke up slowly from his deep slumber, kicking free from the undertow of sleep. He opened his mouth, once, twice, without making a sound, and then looked down at his hands, the dream still hovering at the fringes of his consciousness.   
  
"I'm so pathetic," he whispered, "I'm only brave in my dreams."  
  
It was early in the morning, with a pale moon still refusing to relinquish its hold of the sky. Outside was a picture-frame of silence. A still picture, for nothing moved. For a quick second, Shinji wondered if he was the last person in the world, but he shook the thought away. For one, it was highly unlikely; for no force, divine or otherwise, would be crazy enough to leave someone like him as the last person alive. Second…it just felt wrong. As much as he would liked to be left alone, he would never jump at such an offer. He was too dependent on certain people.   
  
Outside his room, the TV flickered black and white static, casting the room in a hazy light. Shinji noticed Asuka at about the same time, curled up on the sofa in a long t-shirt and panties, her mouth slightly open.   
  
"Am I dependent on Soryu? That would be stupid, she doesn't even give me the time of the day. And yet…" Shinji paused and looked at her again. "Still…everyday I hope and…But it's not like…like the hope I feel towards Ayanami…is it?"  
  
He reached for the remote and snapped the television off. Asuka immediately reacted, rising from the sofa slowly, and with a huge yawn. "Misato! I was watching that, don't you dare change the channel…" She sat up, blinked, and saw Shinji looking at her. "Oh, it's you."  
  
"…Sorry, I didn't mean to…"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I got it." At that point, Asuka remembered what she was wearing and gave Shinji an evil grin. "You were checking me out weren't you?"   
  
"I wasn't…not intentionally, I mean, you know. It just…happened."  
  
Asuka yawned again and said, "Whatever. If you wanna just stand around and look at the sag in the sofa where I fell asleep, be my guest. I'm gonna go catch more z's in a bed."   
  
As she moved towards her room, Shinji sat down at the space she occupied just scant seconds ago and ran a hand across the sofa cover. It was warm, of course, and it smelled like her, a warm cinnamon-like scent that made a small smile form on his face. "Good night Asuka," he said softly, not wanting her to hear the words.  
  
"Hey baka!" Came her voice from the slightly ajar bedroom door.  
  
"Yes Asuka?"   
  
"Get some sleep dummy, we've got school tomorrow. I don't want your idiot friends asking me why you're acting like a freaking zombie the entire day."  
  
"Alright…just give me a second Asuka."  
  
He got that second, and then another, and many more. Then he got up and went to his own bedroom. Shinji closed the door slowly, and when it was shut, he rested his forehead against it. Many more seconds passed by, and then he heard Asuka's door creak open slowly, followed by a whispered "Hey Ikari…sweet dreams."  
  
Then the door was closed fully.   
  
Shinji climbed back into his bed and was asleep before his head hit his pillow. It was a peaceful, dreamless sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

Morning.  
  
Shinij woke up, showered, ate breakfast and headed to school, like he always did. Things had begun to take on a surreal quality, making him trudge wearily through the halls of his high school. What was the dream and what was reality? Because to him, hearing Asuka Langley Soryu whisper "sweet dreams" didn't seem like something that should happen in "the real world." Perversely, his battle with his own EVA unit seemed more likely and clearer to him. He could remember so many things about it, the pressure the robot had applied as it gripped him, the rotten breath (…or perhaps it was just exhaust from the internal systems), hitting 01, and how much pleasure it had given him to scream and rage at the machine…  
  
bump  
  
Shinji felt himself reeling, first from the impact of bumping into someone, and then from having one of the school's physics books go slamming into his gut. He blinked away the stars in his eyes, and when his vision cleared he realized that it was Rei he had bumped into, and she was now crouched down, retrieving her scattered things.  
  
"…Oh man! I am so sorry Ayanami…God I am such a klutz…" he bent down and began to pick up the scattered, slightly crumpled fragments of what had once been an English paper. Shinji wasn't expecting a response, or even a frown or look of consternation her face. He was more than surprised when Rei answered him.  
  
"Don't worry about it Shinji."   
  
They stood again and Shinij handed her the sheets of paper, which he had smoothed over to the best of his ability.   
  
"Are you okay Shinij?" she asked as she went about fixing her things, arranging them in a precise order. "You seem distracted."  
  
"I'm feeling weird, I…"   
  
_"What, are you actually going to admit that some nightmare messed you up so badly? Do you know how lame that is going to sound?"_  
  
"…I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, that's all."  
  
She nods, and tucks an errant strand of hair out of her eyes. "See you around then."  
  
He nods back and watches her walk away to class. What had happened had been…unexpected but pleasant nonetheless. Except, he was feeling agitated about something…"Why does everything feel wrong?" he thought.   
  
The halls were now empty. The bell had rang while he stood around, in fact, he couldn't even remember hearing it. Shinij turned to one of the rows of lockers that lined the corridor. Without even thinking it, as if he were running on auto-pilot, Shinji rammed his fist into the nearest locker. There was a resounding smash and a tingle that ran up and down Shinji's arm.  
  
The metal door was now folded inwards and it swung open, exposing most of the locker's contents. The door creaked back and forth and then fell unto the floor with an even louder sound. Needless to say, it had been totaled.  
  
And as for Shinji Ikari, he felt fine. In fact, he had never felt better.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Do you ever wonder if you were doing the right thing?"  
  
Kensuke Aida turned to look at Shinji, treating him to a questioning gaze. "Awfully deep question for a Monday morning."   
  
"I know, that wasn't even what I really wanted to ask."  
  
The sun beat down on them relentlessly as they crouched in the relative shade of one of the school buildings. It was supposed to be gym period, but then the teacher didn't exactly care whether one participated or not. As a result, Shinji and Kensuke spent the time sitting down, using the period as a temporary oasis in the desert called high school.   
  
"So what do you want to ask?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I'm sorry…I've been feeling pretty messed up recently."  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Is it Asuka," gestured Kensuke with his left hand, "or Rei?" he continued with his right.  
  
"I don't know…both? Or neither?"  
  
Kensuke chuckled. "Most people whine about how they don't have any girls in their life. You have two and you're still whining."  
  
"This is so frustrating. This, school, going home, EVAs, Angels, what the heck's the point?"   
  
"I dunno, your two girls maybe?"   
  
Shinji's mind drifted to thoughts of those "two girls." They were so different, he found it odd that he could be attracted to both…   
  
_"Hey Ikari…sweet dreams."  
  
"Are you okay Shinij?"_   
  
Such simple, innocent things to say, and yet…He wondered if he could ever bring himself to choose between the two. Bombastic, loud and brash Asuka Langley and calming, peaceful, mysterious Rei Ayanami.  
  
But then, that wasn't was really bothering him was it? It was the laughter, it was the lack of control over his own life, it was his need to hit anything…  
  
"Ikari! Look out!"  
  
"Wha…?"  
  
The errant basketball smashed Shinji square in the face. He didn't cry out but he heard Aida groan somewhere to his side.   
  
A voice inside him said: "Two accidents in the span of two hours…that's got to be a new record."  
  
Another said: "You've to pay more attention to the world outside your head."  
  
A third voice screamed and overpowered the other two: "Find out who did this and **kill** him."  
  
Then all three voices started laughing at him.  
  
They spoke like he would have spoke, but the laugh wasn't his. It was his Evangelion's.  
  
"Oh man, did it hit some…Ikari! Jeez, you guys just spend the period lounging around, can't you at least take care of yourselves while you do that?" The first to run over was Toji Suzuhara, the last member of Shinji's odd trio of friends. Toji could be considered the jock of the group, but Shinji knew he was deeper than that.   
  
"Toji…who threw the ball?"   
  
"Oh come on Shinji, forget who threw it, look your nose is bleeding all over your face. Gross man."  
  
"Was it you?" Shinji asked with a hardness that was surprising in his voice.  
  
Toji started and took a step back. "Huh? Ikari, I…no it wasn't me. What difference does that make?"  
  
"Ikari, it was Malik. Malik, you hear? Will you let it rest now?" Kensuke interrupted. "Don't do something stupid and completely uncharacteristic of you. Like, oh say…pick a fight with him!"  
  
Shinji could feel his fists clench as he digested Toji and Kensuke's words. Malik was a new exchange student, a British citizen with diplomat parents currently assigned to Japan. He was big, bronzed and arrogant; a decidedly deadly combination for anyone who dared cross his path.   
  
Malik.   
  
He could remember Malik, a creature who thought he was God's gift to womankind. On his very first day, Malik had asked Rei out on a date. When Rei replied with her customary silence, he called her an "ice-bitch" and immediately asked Asuka the same question.   
  
And Shinji could remember Asuka's delight in being asked, but the date never pushed through because of a timely (in Shinji's mind at least) Angel attack.  
  
"Hey boyo! You the git I smacked with the ball?" Malik was a rumbling monster, and his voice reached the Shinji and company while the speaker was still half-way across the court. By the time he actually stood in front of Ikari, Aida was seen trying to hide the fact that he was jamming his fingers into his ears. "God you'd have to be him. You're the only sissy-boy I can see bleeding all over himself."  
  
Shinji got to his feet slowly, wiping blood from his face with his left hand. The move left a dark crimson line that ran from the back of his palm to his shoulder. Still, it continued to trickle out and for a fleeting second, Shinji wondered if it was broken.  
  
"You hit me." It was a statement and not a question, and Shinji's voice made it sound like Malik had done it on purpose.  
  
"Yeah, apparently I did. That's the way the cookie crumbles, as the Yanks might say. You Japs have something similar?"  
  
"I demand you apologize."   
  
The crowd that had gathered around let out a collective "oooooh."  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
At the nearby volleyball courts, girls were beginning to run towards the commotion in pairs and threes.  
  
"What's going on?" Asuka asked one of her classmates.  
  
"Fight." The girl called out as she ran past. "Malik and that wimp."  
  
_Wimp? Shinji?  
_  
"Wait up!" she answered. "Which wimp?"  
  
"Ikari's going to get creamed!" Someone else shouted.  
  
_What the heck?_   
  
Then, Asuka found herself running as well.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"You," Malik said, emphasizing his point by pointing at Shinji with a perfectly manicured finger. "Want me to apologize to you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You know I did not even try aiming at you right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You know in England, we call these things _accidents_ right?"  
  
"That's what they call em' here too."  
  
"And you," another couple of finger jabs against Shinji's chest. "You inconsequential little tosser, want me, to apologize?"  
  
"Do you need someone to explain it to you or can you manage on your own?"  
  
The crowd tensed and Malik very nearly reared back and swatted Ikari. No one spoke to him like that. Not in England, not in the fourteen other countries he had lived in, and definitely not in Japan.  
  
"_Baka_!" Asuka could be heard calling from the edge of the crowd. "Dammit Ikari would you shut up and leave? Do you want your head handed to you or something?"  
  
Malik raised an eyebrow upon hearing this. "Wanna listen to your girlfriend wormfood and let this be?"   
  
"She's not my girlfriend." Shinji whispered at about the same time as Asuka shouted "He is not my boyfriend, psycho!!!"  
  
"Haha, you guys are so freaking emotional." Malik chuckled. "All right, out of respect for your hottie of a non-girlfriend, whaddya say we shake on this and let bygones be bygones?"   
  
Malik extended his big, meaty hand towards Shinji. "Come on. It was just an accident alright?"  
  
Ever so slowly, Shinji raised his hand up and extended it towards Malik inch by inch. But at the last minute, Malik quickly withdrew his hand and unleashed a deafening torrent of laughter.   
  
"Oh man, you should see your face you wanker!" Malik laughed as he turned around and started back towards the basketball court. "Honestly, what the heck is up with the wimps here huh?"  
  
Shinji could feel his face burn, and he could hear the laughter, not just of Malik but also of some of the people in the crowd.   
  
_"Hrrrhrrhh…hrrrhhhrrrhh!"_  
  
"Malik." he said levelly, "Turn and look at me."  
  
Malik stopped and belched. "All right mate, this had better be good though." Then he turned, confident that even if Shinji would try something, he was good distance away from him, and that he could probably dodge anything Shinji could pull.  
  
Shinji didn't move until Malik had made a full one hundred eighty degree turn. The second they were facing each other again, he leapt with a quickness no one realized he had and smashed his right fist into Malik's face. Before Malik could recover, Shinji's left paw rammed its way into Malik's stomach, courtesy of a vicious uppercut.   
  
Malik reeled, but managed to kick out, pushing Shinji backwards. Caught off-guard, Shinji caught Malik's fist smashing into his right shoulder, his ribcage and his face before countering with a punch that traced a line across Malik's face.   
  
A monstrous roar came from Shinji's mouth and he pushed Malik downwards. Malik stumbled and was then shoved violently to the floor by Ikari, who leapt on top of his opponent and began to hammer him with a succession of punches to the face.   
  
_You do not laugh at me.  
  
I control you, hear me???  
  
I control you!   
  
Not the other way around!!  
_  
Around him people were screaming, blood was everywhere. Toji and Kensuke attempted to pull Shinji off but he shrugged them off and continued whaling on Malik. Asuka stood paralyzed, her hands over her mouth to stop herself from screaming. She had never seen Shinji like this…ever. And never in her wildest dreams would she imagine him to be like this…  
  
Suddenly there was a gunshot that silenced and froze everyone.   
  
Shinji paused from the beating he was dishing out and looked towards the direction of the shot. Sweat was dripping in gallons down his face, mingling with the blood and causing his open wounds to sting painfully. His arms were sore and he realized how much he ached from so many injuries.   
  
Captain Misato Katsuragi, Operations Chief of NERV stood tall in her dark red military clothing, her dark hair framed stunningly around her face by the beret she often wore. She was in perfect shooter's stance, a snub-nosed black pistol that was still smoking from the tip of its barrel in her hands. To the mob of students gathered loosely around the unexpected brawl between two very unlikely combatants, she was a dreaded symbol of authority and power. Someone, despite her beauty, not to be messed with.  
  
"Thank you very much for your attention." she spoke, in a clear and calm voice. "You may now all proceed to your next class, with the exception of Mr. Shinji Ikari."   
  
"I'll take care of him." 


	3. Chapter 3

_Two weeks ago…  
_  
The flight was uneventful, if tedious. Through a ticketing error, I was stuck in the no-smoking section, and as much as I was tempted to make a few phone calls to sort this one out, I didn't. I didn't need the extra attention as it would defeat the purpose of purchasing the ticket with cash and not the platinum NERV credit card.  
  
Upon landing, I picked up the rental Jeep that had been reserved using a name that wasn't exactly mine and began the long drive towards the Jornada del Muerto desert.  
  
People usually talked about how the noon heat contrasted sharply with the bitterly cold desert nights but that didn't seem to be the case in New Mexico. It was dry, and quiet, and with only the stars to provide any semblance of illumination. Towards the east lay the San Andres Mountains, enormous piles of blackness in the evening light. I couldn't see a thing save for their outlines.  
  
But then, I wasn't here for sight-seeing.  
  
I stopped on top of a small hill that overlooked the desert and a menacing blasted landscape, shook another cheap American cigarette from the pack and began to smoke.   
  
Ten minutes later, another Jeep similar to the one I drove pulled up beside me. I rolled up the window and got out while the driver of the other vehicle did the same. We stood there in silence for quite sometime, giving me a chance to compare the man in person to the pictures I had in seen in files.  
  
I would like to think that we formed a nice contrasting picture, me in a rumpled long-sleeves shirt and brown slacks, sporting a ponytail and an unshaved face; he, on the other hand, was in impeccably clean lab attire, with a tuft of albino white hair dotting his head. Wrinkled skin and eye-bags rounded him out, both of which were missing from the file photos.  
  
"Cigarette, doctor?" I asked.  
  
"I take one every few years and they always seem to be on the eve of something bad, Mr. Kaji. Is tonight any different?"   
  
I shrugged and pocketed the pack. "We're only here to fulfill the parameters of your contract Dr. Connor. A little chit-chat might be in order as well, but that's about it. No need for doom."  
  
He sighed loudly and fidgeted with the pockets of his coat, and I knew immediately that he had brought it.  
  
"Commander Ikari wants you to know how deeply NERV regrets this loss, of course. It's quite sad, really. We were beginning preparations for the Unit to be shipped to Japan when we heard…of the incident."   
  
The good doctor nodded slowly and then nodded towards the horizon. "Do you know what happened here?"   
  
I did but I humored him, I knew he wanted to say something.   
  
"This was the site of the original Trinity atomic bomb test site. Many years later, when we need a place to begin Evangelion production and development, we came back here, after all, the public would not think that we would return to this place."  
  
"You were still attacked, right?" I prompted.  
  
"Yes, yes, as you know, I'm sure, this was also where Unit A0 made its last stand. If it were morning, I'm sure you would be able to pick out scraps of armor and debris that the Army hasn't removed or sterilized yet. We can't go over there, of course. I'm no longer authorized, decommissioned, and although there aren't any chain-link fences, we merely have to ride down this crest for squadrons of black helicopters carrying men in black to arrive and arrest us. Invisible sensors, you know."  
  
"Now that you mention it, I'm more tempted to take a little jaunt over there."   
  
He scowled at me and I gave a little smile in return. It was fun baiting the old man.  
  
"Look at the results of our madness. How old are the pilots in Japan, fourteen? Ours was sixteen years old. We are sending adolescents to fight our wars. And they're dying. At that age, they think they are immortal. But we prove them wrong. We prove that at that age, they can indeed die."  
  
I dropped the spent cigarette to my feet and stamped it out. "At the Alamo, I believe they took anyone who could pick up and use a gun, no exceptions. People are always ready to sacrifice themselves, to immortalize themselves. Subconsciously I think they know, as long as the side they're fighting for wins, everything will work out for the better."  
  
Connor snorted. "We almost resorted to a tactical nuke…imagine that, in our own country. Can you imagine the damage? The fall-out? The repercussions? And what if that hadn't killed it? What then?"  
  
"But the kid managed to kill it."  
  
"Yes, yes, of course, the…kid, as you put it, did manage to win…"  
  
"With the help of your staff's shining achievement of course?"  
  
"Yes, that was a big factor…"  
  
"A big factor? I believe it was the decisive factor, doctor. Your tests showed that it could extend internal power to, how long was it?"  
  
"Up to ten minutes," Connor muttered. "Depending on pilot and synchronization ratio."  
  
Kaji pulled out his last cigarette and lit up with a flourish. "And how long did the battle last after the monster managed to sever the Evangelion's umbilical cord?"  
  
There was a second of hesitation before he replied, "Seventeen. Seventeen minutes."  
  
"There you go." I said with a smile.   
  
"…He was the actual Third Child, did you know that? They were both discovered at around the same time but we gracefully gave way to the commander's son and designated him as the Fourth. And now he's dead, and someone else can take up that name."   
  
Sigh. This was getting out of hand. "Doctor, do you have the files? That is of course what I came here for."   
  
The doctor blinked back tears and handed Kaji the thick bundle of discs. "Everything we have on the Independence Engine is there, as per my contract."   
  
"There aren't any side effects to the pilots are there?"  
  
The frown that he wore progressed into an open scowl. "Since when was that an issue with you people?"  
  
I replied with a cheerful smile, "Just felt like asking. To be polite." Then I reached over and squeezed his shoulder. "Remember the Alamo doc. Are you sure you won't take up our offer to move to Japan?"  
  
"After what I've seen…it's been too much for an old man. I don't want to bury anymore nephews. And I don't want to see the commander bury his son."   
  
I shrugged and patted the rear of his vehicle. "Nice, at least the severance package was friendly." I got into the car, and waved goodbye, leaving Dr. Connor to his memories and regrets.  
  
The next morning, bright and early, I was on a plane back to Japan, with a copy of the local paper in my hand. The headline was about the death of the highly famous American Evangelion expert Dr. Samuel Connor. Something about a car bomb that had killed him instantly as he had made his way home to the Diamond Bar Ranch.   
  
I yawned and reclined my seat, certain that Gendo was waiting eagerly for me to return. 


	4. Chapter 4

Lunchtime.  
  
The topic of conversation is dominated by the Shinji-Malik incident. It's still fresh in the minds of its witnesses, having occurred only one period ago, and it's spreading like wildfire.  
  
_"Heard he's in the hospital."  
  
"Nine stitches? Brutal man."  
  
"Looks like Ikari stepped up in a big way."  
  
"Supposedly wasted a locker too in the morning."  
_  
"Can I just say something?" Kensuke Aida asked as he adjusted his glasses. He and Toji Suzuhara were in the cafeteria line and Toji was busy stuffing his tray as usual.  
  
"Shoot." Toji answered. He was currently juggling two trays, one piled high with plates of green Jell-o, and was seriously considering going back for a third.  
  
"I seriously wish Misato would point a gun at me and order me around."  
  
Toji's hand stopped in mid-air. "Can we pretend that you did not just say that?"  
  
Kensuke sighed and plunked a juice carton on his tray. "Shinji's got to be the luckiest guy in the world."  
  
"He's a marked man when Malik comes back," then, dropping his voice down to a whisper, "I'm not saying that Malik didn't deserve it of course. It's just...you know. People aren't supposed to do things like that."  
  
"There's an empty table over there." Aida pointed out.  
  
"I wanna sit with Hikari."  
  
"Shinji's got two girls, you've got Hikari, why the heck don't I get Misato?" whined Kensuke, perhaps a bit too loudly, causing several heads to turn in his direction.  
  
"I so do not know you." Toji muttered as he sat down.  
  
"Hi Toji, Kensuke," Hikari greeted them. "You guys must feel like celebrities. So many people must be asking you for what happened, since you guys were right there when the fight broke out. You even tried to pull him off Malik right?"  
  
The two exchanged blank looks.  
  
"Er..."  
  
"Ah..."  
  
"Hikari, actually..."  
  
"No one's asked us anything." Kensuke muttered, suddenly finding his meal extremely fascinating.  
  
"Oh...oops." Hikari said, her face red with embarrassment.  
  
"But we did really try to pull Shinji off Malik!" Toji pointed out, trying to save face.  
  
"Yeah! He nearly bit me, man!" Kensuke chimed in, pointing to a spot on his arm.  
  
"You really should have been there, I mean, it was something to see," said Toji.  
  
Hikari raised her eyebrows, her mouth full of sandwich.  
  
"Uh, you know...in a car crash kind of sense...I'll shut up now."  
  
After swallowing, Hikari asked, "Hey! Asuka has gym with you guys right? What was her reaction?"  
  
Toji snorted and began demolishing his pile of Jell-o. "Ha! She was just standing there like a frightened..."  
  
**WHACK!**  
  
Asuka dropped her tray onto the table with a resounding crash. Her eyes were blazingly intense and her face frozen in quiet, barely hidden anger. "I was standing there like a what, Osaka boy?"  
  
The table fell into an audible silence, as did the two tables nearby. Asuka's gaze burned a smoldering hole into Toji, and Kensuke, although he hadn't done anything, felt like disappearing. Even Hikari suddenly looked very uncomfortable as she scooted to the side to give Asuka a place to sit. Asuka never dropped her stare as she sat down slowly. Toji was practically albino with fear.  
  
"I said you were standing there like a...super-model." Toji muttered, very slowly and carefully, enunciating every syllable.  
  
"When I want groveling, I'll ask for it next time." Asuka shot back. Her red hair was pulled back into a long ponytail, causing many male students to stop and ponder the value of their lives, weighing it against the possibility of getting caught staring. Beside her tray lay the school- prescribed Chemistry book. Clocking in at an impressive 900 pages, it was an impressive weapon in anyone's hands, made more dangerous by the fact that Asuka's copy was hardbound and that at this point, almost anything in her hands could be classified as a weapon of mass destruction.  
  
"We were talking about...what Misato did." Hikari put forward, trying to change the subject.  
  
"Yeah! I was telling Toji earlier that..." Aida was interrupted by Toji planting a hand over his mouth. "Can it sicko." Toji ordered him.  
  
Asuka violently shoved the half-finished plate of food back, patted her mouth with a napkin, and then ripped it cleanly in to two. "It was plastic you morons. Armed with blanks too, most likely. No, certainly."  
  
Toji nearly choked on jell-o.  
  
Kensuke's mouth dropped open.  
  
Hikari started and asked Asuka, "You're sure?"  
  
"Of course I am! I've been around enough weapons to be sure. Besides, Misato's childish but she's not stupid. You think she'd fire a real weapon in the middle of a schoolyard?" She stopped and looked at the table's occupants and at some of the people who had gathered nearby, drawn to her words. "Oh come on, what's wrong with you people? Even if that was a loaded gun, she doesn't strike me as the sort that could hit an Evangelion point-blank."  
  
She turned to Kensuke and smirked at his reaction. "Oh what's wrong? Did I just shatter your nasty little masochistic fantasies? Tough."  
  
At that point, Hikari and Toji desperately shifted to the topic to something safe, finding a newly released monster movie to be a safe choice. But Asuka had already zoned out, withdrawing into herself as she tried to ignore the sheer noise that filled the cafeteria.  
  
_"Where is Ikari now?"  
  
"Suspended for a week at least."  
  
"Wonder who he's going after next?"  
  
"Mailk's parents are diplomats right? The dude's gonna be so screwed when the rents' here bout' this."_  
  
Kensuke nearly fell off the bench when he heard the low, guttural growl coming out of Asuka's mouth. "Ah...You alright Soryu?"  
  
"Fine, dammit." She growled back. Asuka stood up and began to stomp through the path being cleared for her by confused and rightly scared students.  
  
"Jeez, what's her premenstrual syndrome?" Toji asked in utter bewilderment, earning him a quick elbow from Hikari. "Oof! What I say?"  
  
"I better go after her," Hikari sighed.

--------------------------------------------  
  
"Asuka! Asuka wait up!" Hikari called out as she ran after her friend.  
  
"Asuka we need to talk," she said when she finally caught up with her.  
  
The redhead seemed to mull it over for a few seconds before saying, "Fine, but not here. Somewhere private."  
  
Hikari nodded and pulled her into an empty stairwell. "What's wrong? You're acting as if the whole world wronged you."  
  
"It's...it's all this, okay?"  
  
"The whole Shinji-Malik thing?"  
  
"Yes! God that entire, stupid, pointless ordeal! Shinji picked a fight, big deal! It's normal for teenagers like us to pick fights! We're irresponsible, immature even! I am so sick of looking at Ikari like he's some stupid, worthless worm. When he finally emerges from whatever fantasy world he's been living in for god-knows-how-long, what do we do? We look at him like he's a freak! Hell we begin feeling sorry for Malik. We begin feeling sorry for that thug? What's wrong with us? Why the heck are we all tripping about Shinji finally acting like a normal teen?"  
  
"...Asuka, he's not normal."  
  
Asuka drew back as if preparing to strike Hikari but Hikari stepped back and continued, "It's true. He's an EVA pilot, so are you. You're both not normal teens like me or Toji. We don't go out and save the world and hope to be home in time for chores. You, Shinji, Rei, you're all special. Do you see?"  
  
Hikari's words seemed to calm Asuka down and so she plowed on. "No one's saying Malik couldn't use some humbling, but what Shinji did was wrong and out of character for him. Of course we're surprised; personally I thought Shinji knew better. I'm sure a lot of people thought he knew better. A guy like Shinji who saves the world on a regular basis and is still as self-conscious and humble as him, well, you have to admire him for it. So when goes and does this..." She reached out and gave Asuka's hand a reassuring squeeze. "I could just be blabbing here. Am I making sense?"  
  
Asuka nodded back slowly.  
  
"Good, because we both know that's not what's really bothering you is it?" Hikari asked gently.  
  
"I...I have to go to the bathroom." Asuka muttered as she pulled her hand free from Hikari's grasp. Her friend could only shake her head in pity as she watched her run off.

--------------------------------------------  
  
Luckily for Asuka, the bathroom was empty. She went to the first sink and turned the water on to full. By that time the tears in her eyes were starting to flow and she tried to hide them by splashing her face with the cold water.  
  
She did this again and again, attempting to stop the crying, somehow hoping that the cold water would numb her tear ducts.  
  
It was working, sort of.  
  
As she looked up at herself in the mirror, she let out a small gasp when she saw the blue-haired Rei Ayanami standing right beside her.  
  
_"How long was she standing there? Did she see me crying?"  
_  
"What do you want Ayanami?" Asuka asked, trying hard to choke back sobs.  
  
"You were there when Shinji fought Malik?" she asked without a hint of emotion.  
  
Asuka ripped a piece of tissue paper off the dispenser and began to wipe her face furiously. "Yeah I was, so what?"  
  
"Nothing. I just wish I was there. That is all."  
  
"Oh really? And just what would you have done if you were there? Stood around all emotionless and doll-like? I'm sure Shinji would really have appreciated that."  
  
Asuka didn't think Rei could sound any colder than she normally sounded, but she proved her wrong when she replied, "Perhaps. But then, I heard that's what you did. Stood around and did nothing. Like a doll, as you said."  
  
Asuka Langley Soryu felt her cheeks burn first, and then a split-second later, the tears returned, this time with such force that she had to blind herself with the crumpled up tissue in an attempt to hide from Ayanami.  
  
_"Damn her! Damn her for saying that!"  
  
"...Damn her...for being right..."  
_  
She let out a loud sob and threw the wadded up tissue ball in Rei's direction, but when she opened her eyes, Rei was gone, and the tissue had hit nothing but air. Asuka began to swear, first it was a litany of "_baka_" followed by every curse she knew, an eclectic group comprised mostly of German words, but which also included Latin, French, English, and Spanish. When she felt her lungs begin to burn, Asuka reached out and in one smooth motion, struck the mirror at full-force, shattering it to pieces.  
  
Her legs gave out and she fell to the floor. There, she crawled to one of the many empty cubicles and locked herself within. With her back leaning against the toilet, she managed to pull her cellphone out of its cloth case and began to dial.  
  
The number began to ring and she braced herself, using every ounce of her will power to stop crying for just a minute.  
  
"Shinji? It's Asuka."


End file.
